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Programmes: Your tips
Personal reflections on how to boost your respiratory career
Charlotte’s tips on work/life balance as a busy mother working in respiratory
Whilst not wanting to perpetuate an unachievable ideal, I have learnt some helpful strategies since I first started panicking about getting home on time when pregnant with my first daughter.
These are just things which I have found helped me to keep slightly more plates intact and to perhaps increase the chance of that elusive feeling of “balance” – if you consider that a relative term and picture me balancing on a unicycle, whilst juggling plates and balancing a book on my head:
- Don’t forget yourself. Eat, drink and make time for comfort breaks. Make time for you – whilst it sounds trite, self-care is important. This is not “perfectionist” time - training for a marathon, renovating a house or creating a masterpiece. This is #Find5minutes to do something that you like to do – not what your spouse/children/friends like. Make it something you find relaxing or enjoyable – trashy romance books, colouring, your favourite streaming series, gardening, go for a walk….
- Remember you are human and humans make mistakes. This is really, really challenging for some of us – but after many (not giving away my age) years of working on this I am making progress.
- Set yourself realistic targets. For many of us trying to juggle a million things and deliver all of them to the highest level is the bar we set ourselves. Yet, if someone else asked you for advice you’d advise them to be fair to themselves, to be realistic about what they can achieve and focus on the most important areas – so give yourself the same talk. Regularly and often – or find a friend to remind to do this for you!
- Embrace the chaos. This is even more challenging, especially if you are someone who likes systems and order. I am a proper “to do” list keeping, fridge planner buying, guideline authoring person – so letting things go crazy is painful! Yet strangely order does come out of chaos and creating “safe” zones of calm has really helped me. My house can be utter madness but my desk at work is always much tidier – as there are no kids, cats, dogs or spouses to destroy it! My fridge planner may rarely actually get filled in – but just having it there helps me believe it’s possible, even if it is only ever for the first week of term.
- Find your own system to help keep plates spinning. If you are a “to do” list person – embrace it, if you prefer a random sea of post-it notes do that. You can’t change who you are and how you work best so “success” must reflect your natural talents. Find the role models, mentors and influencers who look and feel like you – not an imaginary or idealised version of yourself. A wise woman (and Physiotherapist) with many years of experience reminded me to “Be my authentic self” and sticking with that has really helped me at times when plates are smashing around me
- Learn your own boundaries and respect them. This is even more critical, as similarly to being yourself, respecting the fact we are all different can really help with creating realistic plans. If you are an early riser, then fitting things in early doors may work for you, but if you’re a night owl you might really prefer to do things at times others need to sleep. For years I kept myself going until I got floored by a virus, then finally stopped – but have learnt to recognise when my energy levels are waning and to embrace the “JOMO”. The critical stuff still needs to get done, but if the cakes for the school cake stall aren’t homemade, is it really critical? Do you really need to cook a full meal from scratch or do baked beans genuinely have good nutritional value? If anyone judges, it’s very likely they are not working flat out for a stretched NHS….
- Avoid the comparison trap. Many of us feel we are “failing” but we are not and in many cases those comparisons aren’t balanced. I frequently worry that I am not living up to the amazing things my own mum (who we sadly lost in 2019) did with us as kids. Then my family remind that she stayed at home for many years, then worked part time and was not a NHS Consultant with a million other roles…The same is true of the playground parents and class what’s apps – the playing field is rarely level and almost no one except others in the same position as you understands how much you are juggling. And never forget the heavy, heavy editing and filtering going into anything posted on forums and social media.
- Remember the mental load is as heavy or heavier than the physical one. It’s often hidden and definitely gender related. So, the first job may be sharing some of what you’re trying to remember. Sharing calendars, visual reminders and forwarding emails don’t always ensure others remember things, but it does help share the load if issues arise and can lead to better teamwork. Ironically my husband doesn’t always see the event in the calendar but my daughter does and her reminders are strangely effective! Genuinely, many people don’t know what you’re trying to mentally juggle and sharing helps. Every year I struggle in the Summer with the tornado that hits just before you go on summer holiday, juggling extra clinical work because staff numbers are down, dealing with chaotic end of school “events” and then the mental checklists of packing, transport, accommodation, kids losing everything...Just explaining this to my family hasn’t changed the stress – but it has helped them recognise it and start to help if they can. It’s a work in progress – but much better than me stressing in silence.
- Seek and build your own support network. Seek advice from those who have been there, ask for help and learn from other’s mistakes. For example, I learnt the hard way not to take two toddlers to the supermarket alone whilst on telephone on call, because you will be phoned about a critical patient and your kids will wreck the shelves. Allow that friendships and social activities will evolve. Embrace those which you value or which add to your life – but don’t force yourself to engage with people or activities just because you “should”. We all have social batteries which need to recharge and JOMO is the best feeling!
- Family comes first. This sounds simple but is emotionally challenging when you feel the guilt of letting your team and patients down by having to be at home with a sick child leaving them short, or you are having to rush through a clinic to get home for a pick up, especially when this can prompt negative comments or behaviours from others. Yet, it is vital to remember that making your family your priority should be the norm – and that if others challenge this they are the exception. I have been reminded of this multiple times by supportive colleagues and always try to pay this forward.
Catherine's advice to respiratory trainees
"We all have bad shifts, bad days, and times when we wish we’d acted differently. We are human and therefore we have all made and will continue to make mistakes. What matters is that we show ourselves kindness and compassion in these moments. Then take time to reflect and decide whether you need to change anything going forward.
Don’t be afraid to say no.
Always remember: the way people treat you is rarely about you and more likely a reflection of how they feel about themselves."
Catherine Roberts is a Specialist Respiratory Registrar at St George’s Hospital in South London.
Anita on knowing your leadership style
"We are all different and bring different skills and experiences. Understand what your leadership skills are like and value them. For example, I know I adopt a very flat, non-pyramidal leadership style and love to enable people around me to thrive and achieve all they can. But remember that a variety of styles brings much-needed balance to any team of people.
People can be dismissive and form opinions about you quickly, but don’t spend a lot of time thinking about this. Instead, try to understand their point of view and then concentrate on what your experience and skills bring. Look around you and think about what enables you, what enables your peers and model this in your leadership style."
Professor Anita Simonds is an Honorary Consultant in Respiratory Sleep Medicine at Royal Brompton Hospital
Rachael on managing challenging and toxic behaviour
"We can all experience challenging and toxic behaviour at times. When faced with toxic behaviour, think about the impact of this and who is best placed to challenge. Sometimes the behaviour affects your ability to perform, and you may have the power to bring about change. You may feel you can talk to the person, and perhaps explaining how their behaviour has made you feel can help them to reflect and learn.
However, it is always OK to step back, reflect and get support to challenge the behaviour – you do not have to face this on your own. It is vital that we all lead by staying true to our own values and integrity – your integrity is yours, and no one can take that from you."
Ms Rachael Moses is a Consultant Physiotherapist
Odiri on focusing on the positive
“Mentoring comes in so many forms, and sometimes it is the informal mentoring that brings most value.
I am lucky to have a great team of people around me, from both across the multi-professional team I work with, and in my personal life.
We need to be kind and surround ourselves with positivity, and be one of those positive people. Seek out the people who support and champion you and build this network early in your career.
Work out what you enjoy and seek roles in those areas as that will help keep you motivated.
Listen to the opinions of those who matter to you. Conserve your energy and pick your battles – stepping back from a challenging situation can be an active decision and will help you to focus your efforts on where you have the influence to make change. It is also important to set boundaries against behaviour that harms your wellbeing.”
Dr Odiri Eneje is the Chair of the BTS Education and Training Committee. Odiri is a Consultant at the Royal Papworth Hospital
Alison on the importance of vision
"It is important to have a vision and also have the ability to generate enthusiasm about that vision!
To be passionate about what you believe in, and to have the ability to make that passion infectious.
Having the skills and attributes to gain the followership of others comes from having good communication skills and making decisions which are respected by others. This allows the trust and confidence in that person to build.
Ultimately, one of the greatest characteristics of a leader is to step aside and support/allow / promote the development of those around you."
Alison Armstrong is a nurse consultant (Home Ventilation) in Newcastle.
Abigail on role models
"The most helpful thing in navigating training for me has always been having more supportive senior role models. I have never had any formal mentoring, but have been lucky to work with inspiring female consultants in whom I can see my future self.
Informal mentoring and support has been invaluable to show me what is possible and to give me the confidence to know I can balance and enjoy family life and still have a fulfilling and successful career, the journey might just be a little bit longer."
Dr Abigail MacKintosh is a Specialist Respiratory Registrar and Chair of the BTS Speciality Trainee Advisory Group
Nazia on the need to get know to your colleagues
"Time is always a barrier in the NHS. We’re always running from one task to another, clinic to ward round and don’t even have time for a coffee or lunch. That’s always been my biggest mistake: I haven’t made enough time to sit and have coffee with my resident doctors and colleagues to really get to know them. It's probably my biggest regret as a leader, as I think the best leaders make time to really get to know people.
I think what helps is to be a little ruthless about your timetable – never book meetings in lunch breaks – always have that blanked out as not available so you can spend time with colleagues and doctors in a more informal setting."
Dr Nazia Chaudhuri is a Senior Clinical Lecturer and Honorary Respiratory Consultant in Northern Ireland.
Rachael on imposter syndrome
“People so often ask me about imposter syndrome. This is such a huge topic, and we will come back to it, but here are a few headliners.
Imposter syndrome feels very real to a lot of people, but I am here to tell you that for the vast majority of people, it doesn’t exist.
This is a societal expectation, and it is put on people, often women or people from other under-represented groups. We are predisposed as women to think that we can’t or shouldn’t act in certain ways and take certain roles.
We need to work together to change this narrative – you are your biggest advocate and need to be an advocate for those around you. Surround yourself with people who know your strengths and weaknesses – back yourself and each other”.
Ms Rachael Moses is a Consultant Physiotherapist
Nicola's tips to develop your career
- Network, ask people you admire to be mentors, and join friendly groups.
- Be open-minded about working on projects that might not necessarily be your dream project, but teach you new skills.
- Volunteer (people won't come looking for you, you need to look for them).
- Don’t agree to do things you won't get any benefits out of doing.
- Support other women on the way!
- Apply for things that are out of your comfort zone, even if you don’t get them, you may get feedback.
- Whatever you do, it doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be good enough, so don’t hold on to things for too long.
- Make yourself known, and you need to promote yourself to be seen. It is not spoken about, but there is a lot of work behind the scenes that people don’t talk about.
- Find a group of mentors that can support and advise you that you can trust.
- For those who want to be more involved in research and policy, here are lots of resources now for writing retreats (and virtual ones as well). But basically, you need to be more hands-on!
- For difficult times, be more aware of appropriate HR policies. Know your rights, call out bad behaviour and get support from colleagues and unions if needed – don’t let things go.
- And finally, make sure you look after yourself. It is not always possible to have a good work-life balance, and at the end of the day, it is only a job and a component of your life – we all need to have a good life.
Nicola Roberts is a professor of respiratory healthcare delivery at the School of Health and Social Care, Edinburgh Napier University.