Charlotte’s ‘working mum’ story

Confessions of a not-so “super-mum”: Negotiating the plate spinning, ball juggling and epic organisational challenges of being a mum working in respiratory 

The myth of the perfect work-life balance

Life/work balance is something often held up as the ultimate goal for working mums. Expectations are enormous and if someone is felt to be achieving it, they’re often held up as a shining example, often making others feel inadequate. The reality is, it’s an urban myth. There is no special formula, model or strategy to achieve this mythical “zen like” balance where work, home and career are all in balance. Yet, this does not stop many from perpetuating this ideal, especially on social media.  

That’s not to say there aren’t ways to get better balance, good advice or role models out there. It’s just that with the high levels of type A personalities, neurodiversity and perfectionism present in many healthcare professionals, “good enough” is rarely something we aim for.   

The reality of being a working mum in healthcare

Parenthood is almost entirely do your best, face the next challenge and hope everyone ends the day happy and healthy. Add working in healthcare into that mix and you can see people setting unachievable goals across individual, home and work lives. As someone who does regularly get asked “How do you do it?”, my short answer is always “I don’t”. Usually followed by – my house is a mess, my husband is eternally patient and my life admin is shocking! Removing the filter from life as a working medic mum is something I try to share widely and is a key part of the Women in Respiratory movement for me.  

Challenging the ‘super-mum’ myth

I pretty much spend my time juggling plates and for every plate you catch, there are more that are dropped. For every positive achievement I can list in my career, there is a long list of failures, aborted attempts or chaos at home as a consequence. Part of my aim is to alter that perception of the “super-mum”. I don’t strap on a cape and achieve everything or sail serenely like a swan through life. The polished version you see, of me giving a talk or chairing a session doesn’t reflect the frantic run round the house looking for tights because my daughter has “borrowed” them and now they are all laddered.  Whilst simultaneously paying for the school dinners I’ve forgotten to order on my phone, plus also answering 50 questions about where everyone must be, when, and at what time… The fully edited podcast you hear doesn’t reflect me having to run out mid-recording to answer a phone call from school, or the 10 re-arrangements of recording time due to me losing track of my three calendars. 

Finding your own balance

So rather than lauding a myth, supporting each other to achieve the best we can, celebrating small wins and being honest about what we are all juggling is probably the best way to find our own balance. It’s also worth acknowledging that this balance looks different for different people, whether that means flexible working, compressed hours, full time or just getting to a child’s school play. This balance also shifts and it’s important to consider that when looking at role models – as children age and change, how and what they need and how/what you are able to do adapts.  

My girls are now tweens/teens and whilst this means it is easier to travel for a course or conference, they also text me at all times even mid-clinic, require a lot of “Addy Taxis” and still need their mum (but only on their own timelines). This might be 6am, 9pm or midnight.  The goal posts change but the challenges remain. I may now get to a conference and look like I’m checking being productive checking my emails, but I’m actually trying to organise virtual consent for my daughter to go to an event, direct my husband to the right pick up and simultaneously answer queries on where may daughter’s uniform is. And then worry about doing all of that again – that mental load can be as taxing as the physical running around.  

What working mums really look like

So, if you take one thing away from this piece, remember not-so “super-mums” don’t wear capes, we wear laddered tights, wrinkled scrubs and this morning a dress with a mysterious white stain…. But we are here, doing our best for our families and our patients. Whilst it is all not always openly acknowledged, it is appreciated – if only by all the other mums who know exactly how hard you are working behind the scenes.

Read more tips from Charlotte on balancing family life and a career in respiratory medicine.